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This page gives you without any apologies, Gods structure for marriage. If
you follow and live this structure, "It works!". God can save your marriage.
It's not too late!
You can be victorious. There is help for your marriage here. God can make
your spouse fall in love with you again. (only better)
The bad news is: You can't
change your spouse! The good news is: God can! and will! And if God is for
you, who can be against you?
There is no pleasure on
earth that compares with a "Great Marriage". Not money, not fame . .
nothing! If you've never had a great marriage, then you don't even
know what you are missing! You can have this with "your" spouse.
It is worth the effort to
make it happen, and you can. Marriage can be heaven on earth.
(Yes -
even with "your" spouse)
"If both you and
your partner are working together to save your marriage, you will. If only
you are working at it, God will!" ~ Dan Douglass
What
can be one of the worst things for your marriage?
One of the worst things
for your marriage can be, beyond a doubt: "OTHER
PEOPLE!". Who are "other people?" Other people are: Parents,
friends,
(male or female) relatives, boss, co-workers or even
your children.
If you are putting anyone
ahead of, or equal to your spouse, your marriage problems are obvious . .
You! But that can be a good thing. You can fix or change "you", but
changing your spouse will usually take prayer and Gods intervention.
If you really want to Kill
Divorce and save your marriage, start with "putting your spouse first!"
On this earth, no one
ranks higher than your spouse. Absolutely no one, and you should never
forget that! Not your children, not mom or dad, not your boss, not your
pastor and not your friends! "no one".
If you can treat your boss
and your friends with an incredible amount of respect, yet argue with and
belittle your spouse, Your priorities are very, very, wrong! This is how
"not" to save your marriage.
If your mother or your
boss said something derogatory to you about your behavior, you would
probably say: "Sorry, I'll do something about that, thank you!". On the
other hand, if your spouse said the same thing to you, it would most likely
make you upset and make you want to retaliate or seek revenge.
Next time act as though it
is your mother talking, but make your reply to your spouse, even
"more" respectful.
Now for the offensive content
Wives
Wives be submissive to
your husbands! (period) If you've watched Christian TV or gone to
church every Sunday, you have at one time or another heard someone preach "wives
be submissive to your husbands".
I actually timed how long
it takes to say this. It was 2 seconds. Every time I have heard this
preached, (anywhere) the pastor or speaker took 2 seconds to
say wives be submissive to your husbands, then give a 20 minute apology and
explanation to sugar coat and lessen the blow of these six words.
The reason, because if you
Offend women, you will lose them and their husbands eventually. No more
tithes, no more offerings. Sadly, money seems to take
precedence over Gods written word.
No ministry should
apologize for Gods written word! The apologies offer nothing in the way of
keeping a healthy, happy marriage and certainly give no suggestions or help
that will save your marriage. It is fuel for divorce, and divorce hurts!
Ephesians 5:22 -
Wives,
be subject
to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:23 - For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is
the head of the church, He Himself
being
the Savior of the body.
Ephesians 5:24 - But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be
to their husbands in everything.
Colossian's 3:18 - Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is
fitting in the Lord.
Ladies, does it seem as though God is trying to tell
you something? If you want your man to fall in love with you again, start by
honoring and respecting the position God appointed your husband in your
marriage as the "head"".
1st Peter 3:1
- In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even
if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a
word by the behavior of their wives,
1 Peter 3:2 - as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Do you understand what
this means? If you really want to save your marriage, live a Godly life. You
will not change "anyone" especially your husband by nagging at them
or arguing and yelling at them!
Power struggles and
Marriage do "not" mix well! Jesus does not have a power struggle with
the father over who is in authority and Man does not have a power struggle
with Christ over who is in authority. This is Gods structure!
(not
mine)
If you Want your marriage
to be saved, Be submissive! Be compliant! Let him know you love him but, do
so because you want to please God. Be such a blessing that he will be
thanking God for you every day and you will draw him closer to God.
Proverbs 16:7
-
When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes
even his enemies to be at peace
with him.
This scripture is not
specific to gender! It does not mean for a male only. The word "man"
refers to the human race! YOU!
Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will
be added to you.
The point is "You" can't
change your husband, but God Can. Don't focus on your husbands behavior,
focus on yours! (that's what God will be doing) Seek God!
You have a personal
relationship with the father. When the day finally comes and you are
standing before God (trembling, if your anything like me) God
may ask you: Why did you get divorced? and why did you say and do all those
things in the process?
Malachi 2:16 - "For
I hate divorce,"
says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment
with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that
you do not deal treacherously."
You will probably answer
God with: "because my husband said and did this and that to me!"
God will probably stop you
in mid sentence, not let you finish and tell you, This is not about him, it
is only about "you!", now, without mentioning "him", why did you get
divorced? Without pointing the finger at him, will you be able to give an
acceptable explanation to God?
Ladies, giving the typical
answers commonly heard on television, radio, the media and from certain
activist groups, may make other women stand up and applaud you, but it will
not be acceptable to God!
A.
I feel like I've lost my identity
B.
We are supposed to be equals, and he thinks he is the boss!
C.
We've just grown apart.
I warned you this would be
offensive content.
Concerning "A", When you said "I Do", you gave up your former
identity! You now have a new identity.
Matthew 19:5 -
'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS
FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE
FLESH'?
Matthew 19:6 - "So they are no longer two, but one
flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."
Personally I believe that
when a woman keeps her maiden name after marriage, she dishonors herself and
her husband.
When you leave this world,
God will give you a "new" name. Are you going to tell God that you are going
to be called by your old name also because you feel like you'd be "losing
your identity?"
Revelation 2:17
- 'He who has an ear, let him hear what the
Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, to him I will give some
of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and a
new name
written on the stone which no one knows but he who receives it.'
Look at the bright side.
Your husband will finally find out what it's like to have "his" name
changed. You just tell him to be real nice to you, or you'll pray that God
gives him a name he can't even pronounce!
Concerning "B", According to God, "Your husband "is" the boss!".
You cannot have two chef's in a kitchen!, You cannot have two
heads of a corporation, you cannot have two presidents of the united
states and you cannot have two heads of the family! Someone has to
have final say!
1-Corinthians 11:3
-
But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the
man is the head of a woman, and God is the head
of Christ.
Women have gotten the
impression for years, by certain groups, learning institutions and the
media, that to be subject to a man, somehow makes you a bad and unacceptable
person. That's what the world would have you believe.
If this were true, then it would
also be true that Christ himself would be bad and unacceptable if he were
"not" equal with God the father, and man, if he were not equal with Christ.
Jesus told you, "be not of this world".
Above, You read
1st Peter 3:1
"Wives
be submissive to your own husbands" How can one person be submissive or
subject to another and both be equal? The private and the sergeant in the
army are "not" equals!
Although they both share
the same goal, to defend this country, if every private is giving orders on
the battlefield instead of taking them, the war is lost and so is the
country!
This is not to say women
in general are not equal to men, but mainly when one has entered into the
marriage commitment. Same with men. Gentlemen, if your boss at work is a
woman, you are "not" equal to her within your corporation or workplace.
If you insist on being
equal, there will certainly be distention and a possible split up.
(meaning you, will be looking for a new job!) According to God,
marriage has it's own structure also, with the man being the head.
God did not say:
"Women be submissive to men", he said: "Wives be submissive to your own
husbands as unto the lord". It does not mean that you ladies are to go
around being submissive to every guy you pass on the street.
God's laws concerning
these things apply mainly within marriage and within the church. That is why
it is crucial that you ladies choose wisely "Before" you get married,
because Gods laws "will" apply - period. Do "Not" marry a non believer!
Concerning "C", Although you may feel you've grown apart, God
considers you "One Flesh" You don't just "turn it off" and telling God "Okay,
I tried marriage with this guy and, well, you know, I didn't like it much.
So I'm off to better things", will not be acceptable!
Matthew 19:9 - "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except
for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery."
What this means is, unless
your husband has been caught cheating on you, committing adultery, you have
no legal grounds in Gods court for divorce! Therefore, If you eventually get
married again, "you" will be committing adultery.
Adultery is the "only"
grounds for divorce in Gods court! My personal opinion is, try to work it
out anyway and save your marriage if possible. Use divorce as the very last
resort. Try God first! Find out what pleases God and then do it.
God is faithful to his
word. Gain Gods favor and God will take your man, shake him up and straiten
him out! You'll end up with a great husband. A leader, not a tyrant! Someone
you not only want to please, but will be excited about finding new ways to
do it!
1 Peter 3:10
- For, "THE ONE WHO DESIRES LIFE, TO LOVE AND SEE GOOD DAYS, MUST KEEP HIS
TONGUE FROM EVIL AND HIS LIPS FROM SPEAKING DECEIT.
1 Peter 3:11 - "HE MUST TURN AWAY FROM EVIL AND DO GOOD; HE MUST SEEK PEACE AND PURSUE IT.
You're both yelling "God
Save My Marriage, but If you want to stop a divorce and save your marriage,
The arguing, yelling and name calling is not the way, it's bad for your
life. Stop it!
I will add that the
yelling and name calling is worse for "you"
than the person you are directing it at! If you want to see good days, "seek
peace and pursue it". "Don't win the argument, win the marriage!"
HUSBANDS
Husbands, while you were
reading "save your marriage" pertaining to wives, I'm sure you all
agreed with the "wives be submissive to your husbands" lecture! Which I
meant with all my heart, but now that the applause have died down a bit,
lets imagine our selves in "this" scenario.
You have watched several
prison movies (and we all have) throughout your life. The way Hollywood has
glamorized them, you think it would be a cool thing to actually spend some
time in prison and be able to brag about it. The tough guy, the hero etc..
So you go knock off the
friendly neighborhood "711". The judge sends you to prison, but you find out
it's not quite as romantic as you thought it would be.
All of a sudden, your
sharing a cell with "Bubba" who's shoulders are so wide he can barely fit
through the cell door and who's arms are bigger around than your leg.
Bubba then informs you
that you are going to be submissive to him! Or in prison terms says:
"You're my "bitch" now!" Meaning, you will do what you are told,
clean the cell and provide "sex" whenever he is in the mood.
Then comes the "real
slammer", (only a comparison for the scenario) you find out that God
commands that you are to be submissive to him and if you don't, you are
displeasing God! Hey! You thought it would be cool to be there and you chose
it. Too late now!
Do you think for a moment,
this would be any different for your wife? Women, starting when they are
little girls, imagine meeting Mr. Wonderful, their knight in shinning armor,
getting married and living happily ever after, only to find themselves
locked in a cell.
Women respect strength and
leadership in a man, but no one respects a tyrant. Do you believe your wife
should be submissive to you simply because you are the man?
No! She should be
submissive to you "simply" because God wishes it and "she" wishes to be
pleasing to God. However, when you start acting like a knight in shining
armor, She will start treating you better than a knight, probably more like
a king. (and neither one of you will be saying "Please God Save My
Marriage")
If you are to be the head
and the leader, you have to actually be "headed" somewhere! Seek God! Make
heaven your destination, then tell her - "follow me".
Okay, so the little woman
has a great big mouth and never knows when to shut it! She's cutting, she's
insulting and she's contentious. It is noted and you have our sympathy.
Proverbs 21:9
-
It is better to live in a corner of a roof Than in a house shared with a
contentious
woman.
Proverbs 21:19
-
It is better to live in a desert land Than with a contentious
and vexing woman.
Proverbs 27:15 -
A constant dripping on a day of steady rain And a contentious
woman are alike; Proverbs 27:16 He who would restrain her restrains the
wind, And grasps oil with his right hand.
However, If you want God
to save your marriage, the same advice I gave to the ladies, applies to
you also! Arguing with her will accomplish nothing.
If she is truly
contentious and argumentative, by arguing with her or getting sucked into
an argument, you are letting her control you! God did not intend for the
woman to control you. Wise up!
Husbands & Wives
A little personal advice
from me if you want to heal your marriage. From this point on, wherever
you are and whoever you are with, talk and act as if your spouse were
standing right next to you.
Ladies, If you are
having lunch with the girls, don't say anything you wouldn't say if your
husband were sitting right there at the table with you. Including,
comments about the waiters rear end, complaining about your marriage etc..
Guys, when you are at
the gas station filling up and the busty blonde in the halter top that she
borrowed from her 8 year old sister walks past, Pretend your wife is
standing next to you. Matter of fact, just don't look!
If you do not have the
strength to do this little thing, you don't possess the strength or
leadership required to be head of the family or marriage. Better start
working on it! Do you want respect? Start earning it! Don't look, instead
go home and stare at your wife!
Trust God
Proverbs 16:7
-
When a man's ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to
be at peace with him.
If you want to save your
marriage, Stop trying to win the argument, and start trying to win the
marriage! Ask what God would have you do, then do it. God will "NOT" be
standing on the sidelines yelling: "Don't take that crap from her!, now
get in there and get her!"
(Not)
Again, women respect
strength and leadership. True strength is being able to resist firing back
when you feel yourself being sucked into an argument. Instead, be a man!
Ephesians 5:25
-
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave
Himself up for her,
Leadership is: making
sure "you" are living and acting according to Gods will, sticking to your
point and making it clear you are acting out of love. Skipping the name
calling and other things meant to tear down the other person, because that
is "not" how to build up your marriage.
Colossians 3:19
-
Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them.
To strengthen your
marriage, is to build up the other person, not tear them down. You
are both to be a blessing to each other and constantly help each other
attain the goal of reaching heaven.
Again, if you are to
attain the leadership - make sure you are going someplace!
Proverbs 18:22 -
He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.
Don't insist on having
the last word. Don't get reeled in every time she wants to have an
argument. Stop trying to change her and let God do it! Because God knows
how to make your marriage better.
Stop trying to win and
start seeking God! Put God first!
Matthew 6:33 - "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things
will be added to you.
If you have never
applied these scriptures to your life or have never lived them, don't tell
me they don't work. They will. Stop trying to change her and start seeking
God with all your heart.
When you do, God will
not only revive your marriage, he will make your marriage better than you
ever dreamed possible.
What does God require of "You"?
No more or no less than
he requires from anyone.
Micah 6:8 - He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD
require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly
with your God?
Can you possibly walk
humbly with god while you are having hate feelings against your spouse,
yelling, calling them names, withholding sex as a punishment, not coming
home all night etc.. . . Is this how you would fix your marriage?
Leave the punishment to
God! Wives be submissive! Husbands Love your wives as Christ loved the
church and died for her. Both of you, Set an example for each other and
bring each other closer to God.
It has been my
experience that you can't hate someone who is constantly nice to you! And
neither can your spouse.
Here's the problem
Wives, you want a
wonderful marriage and you want your husband to love you as Christ loved
the Church and gave his life for her.
Husbands, you also want
a perfect marriage and You want your wife to be submissive to you and to
have a chaste and respectful behavior.
I will point out that
these are biblical/Godly principles and laws that you are demanding from
one another. For instance, do you remember the cartoon "The Flintstones?
Fred and Barney were both members of the "Royal order of Water Buffalo?"
To receive the prestige
and ceremony awarded to a Water Buffalo, you had to know the secret
handshake, attend the meetings etc.. Similarly, If you want to shop at
"Sam's Club" and receive the discounts, you must pay the price and become
a member.
If you want Godly
principles and laws to apply in your life, and you want to save your
marriage, you need to seek the Kingdom of God first and become an active
member! Once you sincerely do this, God will do any changing necessary in
your spouses life. (and yours)
Where changing your
spouse is concerned, "God will not be needing your help!"
Where do you live?
Jesus said: Be not of
this world. If you insist on living in the world, the world says women and
men are equal. Meaning neither one of you deserve any more respect than
would be shown to you on the street by a member of your same sex.
If you really want a
good, Godly marriage, Don't just pick the principals of God that are
convenient for you at the time. Guys, don't expect your wife to be
submissive, and Ladies, don't expect to be treated as anything special.
Gentlemen, if you are
living in the kingdom of God, Loving your wife and being ready to give
your life for her, is "not" a suggestion, it is a "COMMAND!"
Ladies, Similarly, being
submissive to your husband is not a lifestyle alternative, "It is the
LAW". Decide where you want to live and then "Live there!" You cannot live
in the middle! God will "not" like it!
Revelation 3:16
-
'So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you
out of My mouth.
Hear is something I
would like you to think about. Write this down on a piece of paper and
look at it throughout your day..
What have you
done today to deserve the respect that you demand from your
spouse? (ask yourself this often)
Tame the Beast
Has your spouse been a
beast? Don't just sit there, Tame them! for a moment, lets use a lion
tamer as an example. The lion tamer doesn't just sit back and tell the
lion to jump through the hoop, there is considerable effort involved on
the lion tamers part if he wants to see results.
On the other hand, he
does not beat the lion into submission either. The lion tamer works hard
at developing a trusting relationship with the lion "and" uses a "reward
system", in which the beast responds to and likes.
Also, one does not sit
by the pond on a calm day and wait for ripples to happen in the water, one
has to throw a pebble in! The point is, The first action has to start with
you.
How to define a successful
marriage
Simple, A successful
marriage is one that has not ended in divorce or separation!
(period) Unless the person giving advice has been married from the
moment they said "I Do" until present, or their partner has died, they
have "not" had a successful marriage!
Even if the person
giving advice was married fifty years before getting divorced, they did
not have a successful marriage, and can not give you the best advise that
can save your marriage. LOOK ELSE WARE!
Ask advice
Who do you go to, to ask
advice on how to save your marriage? Well, for starters, If you wanted to
be a millionaire, you would ask someone who already made a million
dollars. Bill Gate's or Donald Trump, Not the waitress or the shop worker.
Find a couple who has
been married 40 or 50 years. People who took the "until death do us part"
verse in the marriage vows seriously. Visit a nursing home and find
someone, "man or woman", who had a successful marriage until the death of
their spouse. (they'd probably love the company) Ask these
people how to save your marriage.
Whoever you ask, even if
it be a pastor, therapist or even a marriage counselor, find out first if
they have had a successful marriage. If they have not, they
are not qualified to instruct you on how to save your marriage.
Who
"not" to ask
Ladies,
do not ask or take the advice of girlfriends!
Especially those who have been divorced, never been married or someone
cheating on their husband. If you ask them how to save your marriage or
for advice, your marriage is doomed!
Gentlemen, the same advice applies to you. Don't let "the Guys" tell you how
to keep the little woman in line! If your hangin' with the guys more than
your at home, your problem is obvious.
(Better treat the guys real good, because
eventually, that's who you'll be sleeping with, if not alone!)
Ladies and
Gentlemen
- Don't seek
help from anyone who has not "been there/done that". This includes:
Preachers, pastors, ministers, psychologists, mom, dad, psychiatrists,
Marriage counselors or even the sweet little old lady down the street!
If they have not had a
successful marriage, "Don't go there!"
as a matter of fact - RUN! By example and trial, it is obvious that their
method of mending a marriage, doesn't work.
Where your marriage is
concerned, I always say "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". However, if
your marriage needs help, you might want to consider ordering this book.
Too Late!
Is it too Late for your
marriage? Are you already divorced? You know, God "hates" divorce! You'd better hit the Panic button right
now!
IF THIS ARTICLE DIDN'T HELP, READ IT
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